for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Come see our sink grown plant.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
