3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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