Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
