He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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