Cold hands, warm shart.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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