I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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