im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
