a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
