One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
