i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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