I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
