he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
