Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
