i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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