Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
