Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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