how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
