So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
