Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
