I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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