the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
