come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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