I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
