matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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