I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
