kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
