I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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