You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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