I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
