I want to walk on stilts...naked
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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