if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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