I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
