just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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