I just cut my nipple shaving
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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