She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
