The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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