WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
