everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just invented taco cereal.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
