just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In other news, I just burned my penis
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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