you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
