all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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