I want to make a zoo with you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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