we have pet lesbian snakes
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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