I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
