I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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