I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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