is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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