i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
