Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
