She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
