Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
