Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
