hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
